Academic Validation can be Scary

Once an academic achiever is no longer the academic achiever. 

I wish to be the one I was but I can't. I seek those academic validations but I can't. I see those disappointed faces around me but it is hard.

It is hard to be the same academic achiever. Yes, I crave those academic validations but as I do look for those validations I get lost somewhere I don't know where it is, and it's hard to find the way out. It's hard to be the same person I was before.

Staying all night, putting all my efforts just to be that Average Student or maybe below it. Putting my mental health on the line I did I tried but I just could not. I hope one day I become that same academic achiever getting straight A's but it's getting more difficult day by day to find my way back up there.

I am lost I don't know where I am. I am not enough I don't have good grades. I am scared. Constantly scared of not being able to get into my dream uni. I am scared I won't be able to fulfil that childhood dream of a little girl.

Scared but afraid to give up also. As I come to the end of my high school year I am afraid that I will yet again get lost and lose all those to get back that little girl who was once an academic achiever, who was once a favourite of every teacher.

A little girl once said ' You will come all the way up just don't see down see what is ahead and you will make it. Don't be scared I am always there. Don't be scared of the future. Don't be scared of failure. Be scared of not trying. Be scared of giving up. Be scared of yourself. Be scared of me, not others. '